Last week, I bought a space heater from Sears as a birthday present for Becky. That was it; one item. As the clerk was putting it in a bag, the cash register whizzed and churned and finally produced the receipt after a fit and two starts. The receipt was 16 inches long. It gave me the information about my purchase; it told me that Sears "values" my feedback to the point that if I went on-line and filled out a form, I might win a $4,000.00 gift card. Then it told me that same information in Spanish. Finally, it said my "satisfaction was guaranteed." On the back was the Sears return policy.
The cash register wasn't finished, however. It spit out an 8 3/4", 20% off men's clothing or shoes coupon. A good 2 1/2" of this notice listed all the things this coupon could not be used for, including Levi's jeans. Next it spit out a 9 3/8", $5.00 off Home Fashions/Goods coupon. Finally, it regurgitated a 9 1/4" coupon for $10.00 off any oil change. All of the coupons listed the various conditions, limitations, and dates. The return policy was printed on the reverse side. All together, it took Sears 3 feet, 7 3/8 inches of paper to note that I had received 1 item.
I should have just asked them for the receipts. Becky could burn them and the fire would probably last as long as the space heater will. Over a yard of paper for a single item. If you feel as I do, that Sears--and the rest of the world for that matter--is turning our lives into a convoluted trail of paper, then join with me in what I think is a very clever plan. Each coupon states that its cash value is 1/20 of a sent. Let's save up about 20,000 of these coupons and march in to Sears with all that paper in a couple of Craftsman wheelbarrows. That many coupons would give us $1,000.00 and that would make for a fun party. Or give it to charity. Heck, just watching the people at Sears deal with 20,000 coupons at one time would make me feel as if I had struck a blow for normalcy. Who's with me? Start saving those coupons.
Oh, by the way, this blog is void where prohibited by law and may not be reprinted or reproduced without the express written consent of Major League Baseball. The return policy for this blog is printed on the reverse side of your computer.
Those coupons sound like good "starter fluid" for our burn pile next month.
Posted by: al Smith | November 15, 2010 at 04:07 PM