The World Cup is boring. There, I said it. Now admit it to yourself. Any sport in which a 2-0 final is considered a blow-out is boring. During the College World Series, one of the World Cup updates on the crawl at the bottom of the screen noted that one shot from inside the penalty box hit the cross bar. This would be like having a crawl on the bottom of the World Cup coverage that would read, "Albert Pujols hit a long foul ball that was almost a home run."
World Cup soccer players are so good that they don't bother to defend one another; they just kind of watch each other until everyone catches his breath and then someone kicks it down the field. Occasionally, one side or the other manages a corner kick, a feat that sends the announcers into paroxysms of excitement so great that some actually faint, while others throw themselves prostrate before a Pele bobble head. This Babble of Joy continues even after the corner kick is not converted into a goal, which it never is.
This is not to say that the World Cup is not entertaining. When for example, a blue player brushes against a red player, the red player often plummets to the ground, writhing in pain, grabbing first one shin and then another, because he can't quite remember which one is injured; then the coach runs out, the trainer runs out, the injured player pulls out half of his hair and finally, just before the surgeons come out to amputate the damaged limb, the red player gets up, takes his position, and play continues. You won't see performances like that from a collection of Tony Award winners.
Then, too, there is the highly entertaining aspect of which set of fans will endanger themselves the most by tearing apart the bleachers on which they are standing or rushing the chain link fence surrounding the pitch en masse until it begins to look like a people colander. I am waiting for a team to actually convert a corner kick, which will be the first time this has occurred in the last 12 centuries of soccer at which point I have no doubt that the defending team's fans will actually pull their own heads off their bodies, juggle them for 5 minutes on their feet and thighs, and then kick them onto the field in disgust. Cleaning up all those rolling heads ought to add 5 or 6 minutes of stoppage time. Of course, I'll just be catching that on SportsCenter. Even with fans pulling off their own heads, the World Cup is too boring to actually sit down and watch.
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