In order to boost fan morale after losing more games than any other team in big league baseball, the Washington Nationals will bring back the ballcap golf carts to ferry relief pitchers into the game.
The EPA will immediately demand that the carts with the giant baseball hat for a roof increase the minimum miles per reliever of each cart while the National Transportation Safety Board will demand that seat belts be installed. This will precipitate a financial crisis for the maker of the carts which will result in the Secretary of the Treasury stating that the ballcap golf cart makers are too big to fail and he will ask Congress for a bailout. Meanwhile, the Justice Department will file suit against this lone manufacturer, claiming that it enjoys a monopoly, and an injunction will be filed to prevent the Nationals from using any relievers until the various lawsuits are settled.
After spending its bailout money to defend itself from the Justice Department suit, retool its plant to install seat belts, and increase the reliever efficiency rating of each cart, the cart manufacturer will declare bankruptcy when the Department of Health and Human Services declares that relievers must walk in from the bullpen in order to achieve the mandatory preventative daily exercise requirement that appears on page 1,789 of the health care bill that nobody read.
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