The school year has begun and that means that the usual educratic silliness has also begun. One high school here in Washington County tops the Goofy Practices list. First, during the in-service days for teachers, the faculty and staff at this school were shown Surf's Up, an animated movie about a penguin who leaves Antarctica and makes his way to the world surfing championships in Australia. "Cody," the surfing penguin in question, believes that winning is everything until he meets "an old, washed-up pro-surfer who may just show Cody that a true winner isn't always the one who comes in first" according to the movie's official website. That's nice. Let's see the principal quote Cody the penguin if the school's scores on the state tests drop:
"Well, Superintendent, our scores were last in the county, but we're true winners!"
"Well, Principal, you might be right, but we've reassigned you to Antarctica."
After the movie, the faculty played all kinds of penguin games and a vote was taken to see which teacher most resembled the main characters. It was with pride that the winners accepted either a stuffed version of the animated movie star or a plaque commemorating their victories. Really. I'm not making this up.
I know that I would be alight with satisfaction were I able to rise in front of my class on the first day of school and proudly proclaim that they are about to bask in the presence of an instructor whose peers deem most resembles a cartoon character. Talk about Looney Tunes.
The students themselves, of course, are not immune to the imposed silliness. This year, the official hall pass is an neon yellow vest with the room number written on the back. If any student in the hall is not wearing said vest, he or she is to be considered an "intruder." I suppose that at that point, Cody the Penguin will surf down the hall to intercept the intruder. Students have already noted that such vests are available in many stores and that buying one would give any person carte blanche to wander the hallways. Students, of course, don't understand that the appearance of security always trumps common sense.
A more practical concern for the kids, however, is the funky odor that may accumulate on a vest and so, the vests will be collected during the last mod on Monday, washed, and returned before the day is out. During that time, old-fashioned paper passes will be used. What, no second set of vests to prevent school intruders? What if you spent the stuffed animal and plaque money on a second set of vests, that would have solved the problem, wouldn't it? Or, dare I say, if paper passes are acceptable from a security standpoint during the last mod on Monday . . . okay, I won't say it.
Washington County Public Schools likes to say that its initials really stand for "World Class Public Schools." That can't be. Maybe they mean "World Class Penguin Surfers"; it's hard to tell.
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