Just Say the Name, Buddy

The public address announcer at a baseball game is a pleasant-voiced person who keeps us fans informed as to who's hitting and who has come on to pitch and who left their lights on in the parking lot.  Bruce Alger of the New Market Rebels is an excellent p. a. announcer.  So was Rex Barney at old Memorial Stadium in Baltimore.  Bob Shepherd was wonderful at Yankee Stadium.  Unfortunately, a new and mysterious disease has struck some p. a. announcers.  The main symptom appears to be severe stomach cramps which cause the announcer to sound as if he is doubled over in pain every time he announces the name of a hometown player.  A secondary symptom is the hernia that is caused by straining the voice so hard in an effort to speak through the cramps.  Researchers have now discovered that second-hand hernias are showing up in people forced to listen to such a voice for extended periods of time such as extra innings, so bad is the strain on everyone.

The p. a. announcer for the Hagerstown Suns has been struck down by this deleterious malady.  For example, when Suns designated hitter Travis Reagan came to bat one Saturday night, the poor man, in obvious pain hollered into the microphone, "Terrrrrrrr--a--visssss REAAAAAAA--GANNNNNN!!!"

It was all Jesse, Al, and I could do to keep from rushing the press box and putting that man out of his misery.

The public address announcer at Bing Crosby Stadium in Front Royal obviously suffers from this disease as well.  The night that I attended the Cardinals/Rebels contest, this poor person had the fans howling with sympathy.  Or maybe it was antipathy.  I'm not sure; all I know is that something needs to be done before every public address announcer in the land is infected.  Maybe we could have a walk-a-thon or a tel-a-thon or something to raise money for research to discover a cure.

If we can't discover a cure, maybe the money could be used for research into why anyone thinks that style of speaking  is entertaining.

Comments

[Nick]

Austin,
You're right on with this commentary. I found it hilarious simply because it is so accurate. Let's go back to the old days when the announcers were just that. . . . .announcers. They need to get over themselves.

[JohnLL]

Austin, did you notice the Hagerstown Suns will often play a "feminine" song when opposing players come up to bat? My friend and I counted at least five different ones over one game. Everything from "Dude Looks Like a Lady" to "I Feel Like a Woman."

I wasn't sure how to feel about it. I decided to just laugh.

JLL

[Austin]

Yes, I noticed ! See my July 22nd post for my thoughts on that!

[Melissa Dodge]

I think those crappy (oops, "crampy") announcers were infected by the WWF broadcast guild. When you start using professional wrestling as a model for anything it's time for re-hab and some serious self-reflection!