Uncle Austin's Tips for Aging Gracefully

To be considered wise in Europe, you must have graduated from some German university with a degree in philosophy and a thorough knowledge of Heidegger, Kant, and a bunch of other guys who could never hit a curveball.  Fortunately, to be considered wise in America, you need only to have experienced life and to have garnered from it some kind of title such as "Colonel" or "Uncle," as in "Colonel Davy Crockett" or "Uncle Remus." You should have a working knowledge of Yogi Berra.  I've never been in the military, but I do have nieces and nephews and enjoy the title of "uncle."  Thus, I am wise and hence will dispense a few tips on the subject of aging.  (A subject on which I am gaining more wisdom almost daily.)  The following maxims are directed at folks my age, but kids, pay attention:

• Don't watch those PBS shows with all the bands and singers from your youth.  It will leave you wondering why all those old people are out in the audience.  Then it will dawn on you that these are your peers and it will leave you wondering for the rest of the evening if you look that bad, too.
• This leads to my second tip, which is to eliminate half the mirrors in your house and switch to light bulbs with less wattage.
• Avoid a mid-life crisis, but embrace your second childhood. It's the difference between being an old fool and an old jewel.
• Limit the number of your sentences that begin with, "Well, when I was a kid . . ."  There's a fine line between nostalgic and annoying.  Try not to cross it.
• Retain at least one vice.  An unreformed person is always more interesting to people, particularly those who make it their mission in life to spy the speck in the eyes of others.

There; now you are older, given that it has taken some time to read this, but you are now wiser on the subject of aging.

Comments

[Nick W]

At my last class reunion, as I was driving to the meeting place, I noticed all these older folks walking up to the front door. I thought for sure it was another class reunion for an older group. Unfortunately, as I looked more closely I realized they were MY classmates. The bald heads, the white hair, the cane, a little extra weight, all those things indicating age were present. However, once I walked into the room, I started to see the same 18 year old kids I graduated with 40 years earlier! Personalities don't change. Common experiences don't change. People don't change (much). Learn to enjoy the advantages of aging and live each day as if you were still 18.

[Austin]

Well said!

[Melissa Dodge]

I'll keep this in mind for when I get older--thanks Austin! (***she said facetiously...)